Only in Berlin!

Paul’s words of wisdom – “If there are too many struggles preventing you from getting somewhere, it usually means you’re not supposed to be there.”

I get a phone call… it’s from the photographer I’m testing with today to hold off from coming as the team are stuck somewhere and running late. When she calls back we attempt to make our way over to the other side of the city by train. We wait half an hour and still no train so decide to find another way.

Four trams and a hell of a lot of walking, we arrive to a park in the dodgy side of the city to see two models, a makeup artist and a photographer taking shots next to a pond. It is freezing cold and the models are wearing fluro tights. One is wearing a green tutu that comes to her knees and the other is wearing a leotard. This is an experimental shoot gone wrong. The photographer tells us the reason for the train delay is because there was a WW2 bomb found at one of the stations and that it is now too late to shoot me. Only in Berlin!

We wander around a bit checking out old buildings and shops until I remember a life drawing class that was supposed to be held in a café somewhere. There are so many free creative classes and exhibitions here, which is great if you’re a poor traveller with a taste for the arts.

We find a net café and look it up but there is no info on the class so we decide to walk there... Two inches doesn’t look far on the map! Two hours later and we still haven’t found it and Paul is well and truly over my complaining about sore feet in heels.

When we arrive there is no drawing classes. People are so laid back here that nothing planned is set in stone. The teacher didn’t feel like coming so no class, simple. Only in Berlin!

What we do discover is a really cool little Spanish café with red velvet curtains, comfy couches and my new favourite drink – warm red wine with fruit and spices, similar to sangria. Paul also draws inspiration for his next shoot.

Our hungry bellies lead us to our next destination - a little sushi restaurant around the corner. As we walk in we notice there is no customers in the restaurant and the chef and waiter are out the back with the footy up loud. Paul has a rule that he never goes into an empty restaurant but we are so exhausted from all the walking that we take a seat anyway. I also have a rule if the service is bad before I order, I walk out. Neither of us listened to our intuition and paid a huge consequence for it...

We don't get any acknowledgement for 20 mins. After unsuccessfully asking the angry waiter to translate the menu to English, I give in and point to an item on the menu. My entree is a tofu and seaweed soup and Paul's is two spring rolls: black on the outside, cold in the middle. He refuses to eat them so the waiter snatches the plate out of his hands and storms off.

Paul's main arrives and his beef noodle soup is actually chicken. Mine is a strange tasting salmon roll. I need more than this so I ask what an item on the menu is. I want to find a safe option to fill my belly and you can't go wrong with a cucumber roll. The waiter cracks it with me for asking him to translate again and grabs an English menu. This would have been handy an hour ago!

The waiter brings the bill, spring rolls included. This is how the conversation unfolded...

Paul: I'm sorry but I'm not paying for the spring rolls. I didn't eat them.

Waiter: You pay!

Paul: No, sorry. The spring rolls were yuck. I didn't eat them, I'm not paying.

Waiter: You pay!

Paul: No, spring rolls were disgusting. They were blugh! (gesturing vomiting) I'm not paying.

Waiter: Not blugh! You pay! You pay! Not blugh! (waiter pushes Paul's shoulder)

Paul: (standing up) Don't touch me. I'm not paying for this crap.

Waiter: (grabbing phone) I call the police. You stay!

Paul and I: Please, yes. Call the police.

Waiter: I call the police! I call the police! (waiter is holding the phone but doesn't dial)

Paul: (throwing money onto the table) This is what I'm paying for the meal. We're going.

Waiter: (running to the door) You pay! I call the police! (waiter locks the door)

Paul and I then walk over to the door, unlock it and start to leave.

The waiter runs to the kitchen and grabs a big chef's knife. Paul holds the door shut behind him while the waiter is trying to push it open.

Paul: (to me) He has a knife. Run.

The waiter backs away as I'm down the street so Paul joins me. We are halfway down the street when we see the waiter coming up behind us with a rusty looking axe! We turn around frozen then start walking backwards, not wanting to take our eyes off him. He starts walking towards me and gets close, but then starts shaking his head and points to Paul.

Waiter: I want him!

The waiter then starts walking towards Paul. Paul's eyes are wide and he starts backing away. He backs into some bar chairs and falls over. The crazy asian waiter hovers over him then walks off as people start walking out of the bar to see what the commotion is. We walk off in the opposite direction and back to the little Spanish bar for some strong shots of absinth.

Only in Berlin!