Dream On

At what point in your life do you give up on your dreams and accept what life has given to you? 

Is it when the pressure of other’s achievements is overweighing the seemingly pitiful amount of success that is your own life? 

Is it when you’ve taken rejection after rejection and the overwhelming sense of defeat has overshadowed your willpower?

I personally feel that dreams are what make the person. Having a passion, a dream is more valuable than anything else in this world that money can buy. It is also something that nobody can take away from you except yourself. So hold it tightly, cherish it, stand up for it, fall in love with it and believe in it. Hold on to the hope because dreams are what make life beautiful. 

Surrender to the Storm

You're caught out at sea, paddling against the current. A wave comes crashing over you, dragging you under briefly. You resurface and keep swimming. A larger wave comes and sweeps you under again. Then another, and another. You are starting to tire, but still you go on. More waves wash over you more fiercely than the last. Your arms are weakening, your breath getting faint. You are struggling to keep your head above water but your fighting spirit persists. You can see the sunlight from the bottom of the ocean and keep pushing, gasping and paddling towards it. You refuse to let the ocean get the better of you. The greatest wave of all comes suddenly, dragging you under to the ocean floor. 
At this moment you realise, you will never defeat the ocean. You are just a man fighting against the great Mother. You have no choice but to surrender. You let go of the fight and let the current take control. For the first time you feel a sense of relief and peace taking over your whole being. The ocean guides you back to shore. You are not defeated, but enlightened. You now see the ocean from a whole new perspective. There is no longer an overwhelming struggle for survival, but a feeling of love, joy and beauty. You make peace with the ocean and put your trust in her once more.

Euro Roadtrippin'

The last couple of months of my trip were an absolute whirlwind of a ride. I packed up my suitcase, threw out or gave away half of my belongings and left Hamburg for Amsterdam with two Canadian buddies. For those of you who have been to Amsterdam I don't need to tell you what a sensational blur it was. Hazy bike rides around over canals and cobblestone streets, mind-blowing art galleries, cafe lounging and a touch of dirty lust.

Ibiza was about clubs, cocktails on the beach and spanish cuisine. I loved the experience, but Ibiza wasn't me. Give me a live spanish guitarist over a club-pumping dj any day.

Photographer: Klaus Merz
Stylist: Sue Dietz

Hamburg Snapper

Today was a very random day... I'd planned to go to a casting in the morning, then gym for a couple of hours and get my hair done at the salon. Turns out what I thought was a casting was actually a shoot for a German magazine a production agency bring out once a year. A lil miscommunication with my agent, but I'm not complaining! The full day's shoot was all about the hair, smokey eyes, red lips, and   hot fashion. I had such a great day, but now I have an uncontrollable urge to splurge on new delicious threads. Somebody hide my credit card please! 

Ride the wheel baby!

It has been one week and four days since arriving in Hamburg and things aren't as I expected...

It's funny the way the way the life works sometimes. One moment you’re in control, clear of your direction, powerful; then in one sweeping motion you’ve lost it again. Everything is turned upside-down. You work so hard to find this inner strength, just to have some unexplained force come along and reduce you to the mental capacity and strength of a baby. Confidence is stripped bare. Nothing makes sense anymore and your not sure where you're going or why!

But this is all part of life's spinning wheel I suppose. You have to hold on for dear life as it turns round and round. You grit your teeth as you start to descend to the bottom of the wheel, but the feeling you get as your riding the wheel back to the top makes it all worth it. Whatever you do, don't let go!

Vogue publication

In other news, I have been published in this month's Aussie Vogue! So exciting...

Now if I can just find a copy here in Germany amongst the Italian, French and UK Vogues... I'm guessing shipping out the Aussie version isn't high on their priority list but I'll keep my eyes peeled.

(Photographer: Emily Abay; Makeup/Hair: Monica Gingold; Stylist: Rikki Lee)

The Solo Traveler

Open your eyes so I might peer into your window

What are you trying to hide in the depths of your soul?

Don't be afraid, we're not so different you and me

Breathe, love, desire, fear

Connected universally

The thing I miss the most since traveling is the feeling of connection. You sometimes take it for granted when you're at home, surrounded by close friends and family, the true value of your loved ones. It's a hard thing to open yourself up to someone straight away, with truth and sincerity, without fear of judgement. I guess this is what makes solo travelers much stronger. You learn to adapt to loneliness. You get to know yourself, start to enjoy your own company. Then it doesn't feel like loneliness anymore.

(Photographer: Andre Wagner; Makeup/Hair: Tan Vuong; Stylist: Doris Schmitz)

Rihanna Concert

Did I mention I got the chance to see Rihanna front row at her concert in Berlin?? Such an amazing opportunity thanks to fellow Aussie model, Jess Farrell who seems to have all the right connections and Alison Guberek who parties like no other. Not only did we see her mounting a fluro pink canon, licking drumsticks and thrusting her crutch into the audience at her concert, but we got to shake her hand whilst shaking our bootees at the after-party with the rest of the crew! Thank you for this incredible experience! Pics to come if I can figure out how to get them off Alison's phone!

Forgive me for I have sinned...

I have a confession to make... It's been a long time since I last blogged.

Berlin's acid tongue has licked my pure skin and caused me to sin since I last wrote almost one month ago.

I have partied till all hours in the morning at rock bars White Trash and 8mm, and techno havens Golden Gate and Berghain...

"Reputedly the best club in the world, work your way through the sprawling former power station - once you've endured the seemingly endless queue of techno pilgrims, that is."

I've indulged in gourmet dining of pizza, pasta and cakes and have been far too lazy to get myself to a gym to work it off again!

I've spent far too much money on shopping for what my travel budget allows... I brought a beautiful vintage leather bag that fits my laptop and portfolio.

I also brought a Canon 550D from Ebay so I can indulge in my desire to create. My new baby shoots in HD so keep checking for new video posts!

I've also been blowing the budget with clothes and shoe shopping here. Come to think of it, I don't even have a budget plan! If it's in the bank, I'll spend it! My luggage is becoming a little too much to carry so luckily my Norwegian friend is letting me store a bag in his new cafe.

I've bitten into the fruits of life, tried the many wines on offer at great bar called Winerie where you try as much as you desire and pay what you feel it's worth.

But I don't regret any of it! I've made some cool friends in the process that I'll come back to visit and learnt a great deal. The karma of my sins did come around to bite me on the butt though as I spent my last week in Berlin bed-ridden with a flu I couldn't shake off, but was definitely worth it.

For now, the curtain must close for Berlin. I will miss its sweet beats and poetic licks as my journey moves onward to Hamburg to detox and work hard for a while... let's see how long I can last!

Tschuss! xx

Express yourself

Your soft lips are good to taste

Your touch on my back so tender

Such comfort in your gentle eyes

To you I surrender

You quiver with desire

This moment satisfies

(Photographer: Mikael Wardana; Hair: Carl Reeves)

Roadtrip to Budapest

After driving across five countries in nine hours, I'm finally feeling like a traveller in Europe. My eyes are wide open I feel free at this moment. I am in control of my own destiny and if I want to hop on a flight to Milan tomorrow, that's what I'll do.

Of course, this whole trip wouldn't have happened if it weren't for two factors:

1. I have an amazing and generous friend living in Berlin that happens to be dating a high profile dj that had a gig in Budapest.

2. The volcanoes in Iceland errupted creating a cloud of ash that swept over Europe causing 800+ flights to be cancelled.

So off I go to join Matt and Alison on a spontaneous road trip from Berlin to Budapest in a hire car.

I spend Saturday sight-seeing and drinking lattes at fancy cafes. I'm in awe of Budapest's architecture and scenery. Every corner I turn is a brand new visual delight and I'm afraid my camera battery won't hold out long enough.

Saturday night we see Matt play his gig and are treated like VIPs with a complimentary bottle of vodka... a dangerous spirit! I'll say no more of this night, mainly because I can't remember much of it!

Sunday we have a long drive ahead of us, but we're in no rush so we take our time to enjoy it...

Breakfast in Budapest, coffee in Slovenia, lunch in Vienna and an amazing dinner in Prague with a breathtaking view of the river.

Ahh, I love Europe!

(PS The photo below is not the breathtaking view i'm speaking of. Unfortunately my camera battery did run out at this point.)

Only in Berlin!

Paul’s words of wisdom – “If there are too many struggles preventing you from getting somewhere, it usually means you’re not supposed to be there.”

I get a phone call… it’s from the photographer I’m testing with today to hold off from coming as the team are stuck somewhere and running late. When she calls back we attempt to make our way over to the other side of the city by train. We wait half an hour and still no train so decide to find another way.

Four trams and a hell of a lot of walking, we arrive to a park in the dodgy side of the city to see two models, a makeup artist and a photographer taking shots next to a pond. It is freezing cold and the models are wearing fluro tights. One is wearing a green tutu that comes to her knees and the other is wearing a leotard. This is an experimental shoot gone wrong. The photographer tells us the reason for the train delay is because there was a WW2 bomb found at one of the stations and that it is now too late to shoot me. Only in Berlin!

We wander around a bit checking out old buildings and shops until I remember a life drawing class that was supposed to be held in a café somewhere. There are so many free creative classes and exhibitions here, which is great if you’re a poor traveller with a taste for the arts.

We find a net café and look it up but there is no info on the class so we decide to walk there... Two inches doesn’t look far on the map! Two hours later and we still haven’t found it and Paul is well and truly over my complaining about sore feet in heels.

When we arrive there is no drawing classes. People are so laid back here that nothing planned is set in stone. The teacher didn’t feel like coming so no class, simple. Only in Berlin!

What we do discover is a really cool little Spanish café with red velvet curtains, comfy couches and my new favourite drink – warm red wine with fruit and spices, similar to sangria. Paul also draws inspiration for his next shoot.

Our hungry bellies lead us to our next destination - a little sushi restaurant around the corner. As we walk in we notice there is no customers in the restaurant and the chef and waiter are out the back with the footy up loud. Paul has a rule that he never goes into an empty restaurant but we are so exhausted from all the walking that we take a seat anyway. I also have a rule if the service is bad before I order, I walk out. Neither of us listened to our intuition and paid a huge consequence for it...

We don't get any acknowledgement for 20 mins. After unsuccessfully asking the angry waiter to translate the menu to English, I give in and point to an item on the menu. My entree is a tofu and seaweed soup and Paul's is two spring rolls: black on the outside, cold in the middle. He refuses to eat them so the waiter snatches the plate out of his hands and storms off.

Paul's main arrives and his beef noodle soup is actually chicken. Mine is a strange tasting salmon roll. I need more than this so I ask what an item on the menu is. I want to find a safe option to fill my belly and you can't go wrong with a cucumber roll. The waiter cracks it with me for asking him to translate again and grabs an English menu. This would have been handy an hour ago!

The waiter brings the bill, spring rolls included. This is how the conversation unfolded...

Paul: I'm sorry but I'm not paying for the spring rolls. I didn't eat them.

Waiter: You pay!

Paul: No, sorry. The spring rolls were yuck. I didn't eat them, I'm not paying.

Waiter: You pay!

Paul: No, spring rolls were disgusting. They were blugh! (gesturing vomiting) I'm not paying.

Waiter: Not blugh! You pay! You pay! Not blugh! (waiter pushes Paul's shoulder)

Paul: (standing up) Don't touch me. I'm not paying for this crap.

Waiter: (grabbing phone) I call the police. You stay!

Paul and I: Please, yes. Call the police.

Waiter: I call the police! I call the police! (waiter is holding the phone but doesn't dial)

Paul: (throwing money onto the table) This is what I'm paying for the meal. We're going.

Waiter: (running to the door) You pay! I call the police! (waiter locks the door)

Paul and I then walk over to the door, unlock it and start to leave.

The waiter runs to the kitchen and grabs a big chef's knife. Paul holds the door shut behind him while the waiter is trying to push it open.

Paul: (to me) He has a knife. Run.

The waiter backs away as I'm down the street so Paul joins me. We are halfway down the street when we see the waiter coming up behind us with a rusty looking axe! We turn around frozen then start walking backwards, not wanting to take our eyes off him. He starts walking towards me and gets close, but then starts shaking his head and points to Paul.

Waiter: I want him!

The waiter then starts walking towards Paul. Paul's eyes are wide and he starts backing away. He backs into some bar chairs and falls over. The crazy asian waiter hovers over him then walks off as people start walking out of the bar to see what the commotion is. We walk off in the opposite direction and back to the little Spanish bar for some strong shots of absinth.

Only in Berlin!

First Job in Germany

My first job in Germany has finally come! I'm flying to a place within Germany, called Dusseldorf for a hair shoot.

After a two hour flight to Dusseldorf I arrive to meet a charming old German guy with a leather jacket called Rainer. We drive 1 hour in his taxi listening to old school rock while we exchange stories about our home and passions. I’m surprised to learn that he has a passion for motorbikes and rides his Yamaha 260km/hr down the highway!

We arrive to a place called Aachen, only pronounced correctly if you’re when coughing up phlegm. Rainer tells me this was the home of a 13^th Century ruler of all of Europe; King of all Kings. When I arrive to my hotel after getting a colour through my hair I feel nothing short of royalty. The Pullman Hotel looks like an 18^th century palace. The white pillars are illuminated and the doors open automatically on arrival to make me feel like a princess. I’m in awe of the marble floors and detailed ceilings and the friendly service is like icing on the cake. I will sleep like a baby tonight.

Shoot day the following day and arrive at the studio at 8am to get into hair and makeup. The team are running around getting models ready. I sit in my chair and wait... and wait... and wait. Wait for the hair team to decide what they want, wait for the foils to set, wait for my hair to be styled, wait for my makeup to be applied, wait for my turn to shoot. Luckily for me I love reading.

Part of being a good model is practicing extreme patience with a smile. I've had to stay in the one position for hours without moving a muscle to ensure a single hair wouldn't move out of place. The urge to jump around the room to something like 'Dancing Shoes' by Artic Monkeys can be overwhelming sometimes.

Ten hours and half a book later the shoot is wrapped and I'm on my way back to my temporary home in Berlin. The shoot is a success, which means the client is satisfied. Happy days! Keep posted for the photos...

Seoul, Korea

Most of the time I was in Korea I wanted to leave. The city didn’t appeal to any of my five senses…

The winter air felt like ice-covered pins were piercing my skin. Every item of clothing I packed in my suitcase never seemed enough to keep me warm.

The lay-out of the buildings were a sight for sore eyes. Everywhere was so congested with concrete and people. Every block had the same collection of shops. If it wasn’t for the huge church next to our apartment I would have never found my way home.

Apart from the temples, the architecture was fairly bland because most of the city had been bombed by North Korea in the 1950s, so the buildings were built quickly in great quantities.

The smell was hideous. As I walked along the streets the foul smell of sewage wafted up from the drains offending my nostrils.

The food was spicy and although I did enjoy my first Korean BBQ, I soon discovered that every dish I tried in Korea pretty much tasted the same. They would serve the same dishes in every restaurant using the same red chilli paste, sesame oil and side servings of kim chi and other root vegetables. I did manage to discover a few hidden restaurants that were not known by tourists that offered a bit of variety, but these were few and far between.

Every day I was woken by the sound of car alarms, sirens and people shouting or honking their horns. For some reason Koreans seem angry most of the time. The way they shout at each other, the road rage, the pushing, the shoving.

But of course, now that I’ve left there are things that I miss about my time in Korea. It has nothing to do with the city itself, more of moments that I experienced there. Hearing the Brazillian couple conversing in their romantic language. “Ai amore” was my favourite, meaning “my love.” Although I was told by my housemate Shaun one of the things Brazillian guys like to say to their women in Portugese translates to be a compliment on having a big vagina.

I miss Alena from Czech Republic. She was like having a little sister. We would go to the gym and play squash, explore markets and sit in our room chatting about love and life. She was an excellent latin dancer as well and the joy that she got from dancing in the living room was priceless.

Then there was Shaun. Larger than life, outrageously hilarious, heart of an angel, Shaun. He brought a lot of laughter and joy into the house, and also a lot of controversy. I loved the silly antics we got up to on our late-night chat roulette sessions... a video chat program that connects you to random people from all over the world. The crazy day we had at a Korean theme park, Everland was unforgettable. It was the worst theme park I've ever been to - most of the best rides were shut down and the Koreans would push into us if we got in their way, but with Shaun there it was a laugh a minute!

But all things must come to an end and I was quite happy to leave when the opportunity came up. My friend from Sydney, Paul had a stopover to Seoul for a night on his way to Berlin so I happily took the trip with him. I met some great people but the journey must continue to move forward.